So the summer has almost passed and I haven’t gone to the beach even once, I haven’t gone sunbathing or just spent some time simply enjoying the weather. I keep wondering why I don’t do these things, things which I once loved and cherished.
Then I realise that while my love for natures miracles has somewhat faded, my love for cars and computers has more than increased ten-fold.
Exploring this understanding lead me to the cause of my detachment from all things natural – control. Nature is a beautiful chaos that always eventually puts things in their places and takes care of the big picture, while ignoring the needs of an unimportant individual.
I consider myself a very unimportant individual — I will never find a cure for cancer, in all likelihood, I will never be remembered and every single action I perform in my life will become meaningless the second my heart stops beating. So why the hell would nature make the sun shine on my day off?
Being at the mercy of nature made me adopt an alternative lifestyle, one where I am in control. In control of my car and the things I do on my computer. These might not be as beautiful as the view from mount Everest or the sunset at the beach, but this feeling of control provides me with a sense of peace and comfort. It relieves stress and puts a smile on my face more often than you’d think.
I never expected this, I never knew that this would be my life. I still don’t know if I love it or hate it.